Eleven ways to avoid drunk-texting (and ruining your life)

Because how many times have you got drunk without regrets?

You’re drunk and you’re confident. Why not tell the person you see every day that you’re in love with them? Or maybe tell your ex-best friends that they’re arseholes, just for a laugh, right?

Alcohol and feelings don’t really go together, it’s like drinking red wine on a white sofa. Damage will be done.

So, you must either sort your shit out sober or follow these useful tips:

1. Buy two drinks – a drink for each hand, how can you simultaneously text your ex that you miss them whilst you’re juggling two vodka and cokes? You can’t!

2. Nominate a mate – let them take your phone, with strict instructions not to allow you to Facebook message that random guy/girl that they’re “actually so fit!!” Or “actjky do fitt”, if we’re talking in drunk. Make sure they’re the sensible one of the group or they could drunk-text for you and that may get you on the blocked list.

3. Delete – if there are people in your contact list that you shouldn’t be texting, delete them. But what if they text you? Do not fear, there’s nothing sassier than replying ‘who’s this?’ To someone you hate or once had a thing for. Mwahaha.

Drunkerella: A Modern Day Fairytale

Once upon a time, a friend asks Drunkerella to leave her room and head to a party in the Far Away Kingdom that they call out-out. Drunkerella is resistant but after her friend offers to buy her drinks, it was as if by magic that she transforms.

Drunkerella downs all the pre-drinks and she enters the taxi towards out-out.

Upon entering the club, she notices a drinks deal on Jäger bombs at the bar…along with many creepy men.

After making the most of the drinks deals – not the creepy men – Drunkerella is convinced she’s pulling out all her best moves but a judgemental group of girls reminds her otherwise.

After busting several dance routines she heads to the smoking area to exchange the smell of armpits for tobacco. And a random girl is crying over her ex, so she decides to comfort her.

Drunkerella heads back downstairs, only to catch a reflection of herself realising just how drunk she is.