LEGSIT: TRIGGERING ARTICLE 1950 & HOW IT WORKS

As told by The Daily Mail “forget Brexit, who won Legs-it!”. Although we are all aware having a female Prime Minister means focusing on her body and not her brain, the terms of Legsit need to be clearly defined and I have taken it upon myself to do just that.

STEP ONE: sexualise everything

It’s hugely significant to ensure any skin showing, whether rain or shine or even if she wants to – is sexualised. Oh, your ear just peeping out of your hair Mrs May? Forget your thoughts on grammar schools, you minx.

STEP TWO: disregard absolutely anything of real importance – and make it the front page of a newspaper to prove it 

People are dying, living in poverty, the government have tremendous amounts of work to do in relation to leaving the EU and general keeping the country together-stuff. But hold up bitches, GIRLS HAVE LEGS!!! It’s crazy I know but these females are walking, they are walking with legs and we need to talk about them. It seems the poor get screwed over time and time again but in the name of talking about people having body parts? Of course it’s worth it!!!

STEP THREE: remember they are women

This may be the most important point. If a woman is running the country let’s not be focussing on what she has to say. Let’s not even focus on her educational background. Let’s be describing her as wearing a skirt just showing the knee in an A-line jacket just short of some cleavage because that’s what you do to females, you talk about their clothes – DUH.

STEP FOUR: make normal things seem seductive

To successfully trigger article 1950, day-to-day activities have to be sexual. The Daily Mail have provided the perfect example of this:

“It’s a direct attempt at seduction: her stiletto is not quite dangling off her foot, but it could be.” – via Daily Mail online.

Wearing shoes? Bloody hell, you absolute teaser, that’s something’s straight out of Porn Hub.

So there we have it, taking the country right back into the 1950s, one leg at a time.

Seven reasons women deserve a national day

Who run the world??!?! (not actually girls yet but we are trying).

The people that have a problem with international women’s day are the same people that would happily tag their mental mate in a ‘kiss a ginger day’ meme and furiously question why ‘kid’s day’ doesn’t exist but mother and father’s Day do.

So to that person, here is why women deserve National Women’s Day:

Being a girl is an insult

Our entire gender has always been used negatively. Stop being a girl!! You run like a girl!! HAH you got beaten by a giiiirlll. Since the moment I could understand words it was apparent that doing things ‘like a girl’ was bad. Even if a girl does something good it must be emphasised that it is only good…for a girl. Wow, you are funny…for a girl. But today is the day that these phrases are dismissed a little bit extra by a girl and they are told to shut the fuck up like a girl and that is great for a girl.

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We’ve come a long way

Historically it can’t be excused how far women have come. It’s really cool we are allowed a job and an opinion now – fun fact: these opinions can be intelligent ones too, not always fuelled by emotions. Many brave and empowering women have led the way to equality and although it is an everlasting fight, progress must always be celebrated. Who knows, maybe the focus of the plumpness of a woman’s lips will become equally as interesting as the words that come out of them.
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Employment isn’t great for us 

It can’t be ignored that there still is a pay gap between men and women, even if it is decreasing. I think being slightly poorer validates a little day for us women and within that little gap of money I think presents on this day ought to be a thing. One day, I dream of a world where women are more commonly given managerial roles and a dominating female boss is a common occurrence and not just a section in porn.

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We are great at empowering each other

If a woman says anything remotely negative about another woman they are ‘jealous’, this is not an opinion or based on relevant arguments, it is because their boobs are bigger than theirs, of course. But except from the small detail of being human and saying negative things from time to time, women are fabulous at empowering each other. We tell one another that we are beautiful, smart and worth something. Despite good banter, men tell their best friends and their brother that they’re a prick who is phallically-challenged, on a daily basis.

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The English language isn’t on a woman’s side 

The English language is inherently sexist. The world isn’t quite equal yet for a number of reasons but language plays a bigger role than you would think, it is quite literally a MAN-made language. Men can get away with sleeping around and cheating on their partners more often because our vocabulary isn’t sufficient enough to shout anything cool at them from a window. Have a think, what would you shout at a man that had been sleeping around? A-LADDY-GEEZA-LEGEND-OUR-MATE-AND-WHATSAPP-ADMIN. Right? But for a girl you are in paradise, slut, slag, whore, tart, hoe…if you call a man any of these words it’s kind of comical and we even have to put man in front of whore.

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People think low-key foundation is a make-up free face

There is an immense amount of pressure on women to look beautiful..naturally…and effortlessly. We are called tired, rough and hungover when we don’t wear make-up then criticised for being a fake, unnatural and deceptive catfish when we do wear make-up. The worst kind of people are those going all heart eye emoji on a picture of a girl perceived as ‘natural’ but she has powder, concealer, foundation, eyelash extensions and microbladed eyebrows – which is fine but don’t preach about loving the ‘natural’ look if it isn’t. The point is women should be able to look however they want and not be criticised either way. And others shouldn’t be requiring a lobotomy to recognise what’s natural and what is not because it makes us feel bad that you cannot distinguish between the two. The pressure to look good and have a great body is a silent but growing issue amongst men also, so let’s keep an eye on that too.

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Our bodies bleed and house humans

It’s basic human biology but women can bleed for three to ten days and it hurts and it’s annoying and it makes us want to punch everyone in the face whilst simultaneously clearing out the fridge and wanting to be hugged by the same person we want to punch in the face. Just as a sign of ‘hey you’re not pregnant btw babe’, it’s just a bit inconvenient and we need all the love we can get. We also need a bit of a shout-out for the some of us that carry around a person in our stomach and then have to get that person out of us, bit crazy really.

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Women are cool humans, we’re stronger than we look and that’s worth celebrating. So go tell your mother, sister, auntie, grandmother, cousin and whoever considers themselves to be a woman and give them a little squeeze of appreciation.

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#HAPPYINTERNATIONALWOMENSDAY

Undercover mothers: the most underrated species

Everyone wants a mum that’ll look at you like an award winning actress, when you got picked to be the sheep with no lines in The Nativity. And even after that everyone needs a little motherly love. But motherhood isn’t just basic human biology, it’s the person who gives you that feeling. Even if you don’t have a child yourself, you may be subconsciously mothering someone else. It’s time that your undercover mothers got a shout-out, they didn’t give birth to you but their never ending support for your stupid mistakes is probably just as painful as pushing you out of their hoo-ha.

So let’s say a Happy Mother’s Day to all your undercover mothers…

Your best friend

The person that’ll have a properly shit night out just to take care of you – because getting bladdered at home is just cheaper and drinks move faster down your throat to the Dirty Dancing soundtrack. They may not have taken a bullet for you but they’ll take your vomit, continuous advice requests, your most true and ugly self that farts and snorts from laughing too much and listens to you talk about the same person you dated over and over again – sometimes the bullet seems favourable.

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Complete random strangers

Sometimes we just get little mothering moments whether that’s a smile from a Barista on a shitty day or a stranger that lets you stroke their dog. And of course the nice old lady that says you ought to be wearing a proper coat as you stand there twirling in a ripped jacket you assumed was #edgy.

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Someone in school

Education tests more than just your knowledge of frogspawn – very sure this is all I ever learnt in primary school- it can be emotionally challenging at times. There’s usually a particular adult at school that you went to if you had a bad day. The Design Technology teachers tended to be horrifying and it’s a sigh of relief to have a kind teaching assistant who will slyly make your crappy wooden box for you.

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That dedicated social media liker

Maybe it’s self-absorbent and needy but just like a mother would, some of us want to feel appreciated and love that person we can count on to like our Instagram posts whether we are looking like toads or butterflies. Our social-media-mothers, they’re always there, a notification of love.

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Someone you work with

It’s surprising how close you can come to someone you share a bit of desk space with.Sometimes you need your work-mum to give you a reassuring look when you fuck-up. They’re probably the only person that gets your irrational annoyance for a particular person and them siding with you makes you feel less like a bad person. And they’re always right there to off load to and send a sneaky text during your shift if you’re a little worried about something. They’re also pretty fabulous if you forgot your lunch.

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A sibling

Of course you have the same actual mother. But a sibling gives you just as much reassurance and comfort that a mother would and we all need – even the self-proclaimed #GymLads. A sibling can help you out in the playground when a kid is being a dick to you, talk to you honestly and openly and most importantly cover up your most deadliest of hangovers to the entirety of your family.

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Yourself

It’s quite possible to mother your own self at times, which is character building and makes you stronger as a person. Sometimes we need to look at ourselves in the mirror and say ‘stop being a twat’. The most triumphant and important talks come from me to me in toilet bathrooms when I drank too much.

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Love can be found in all crooks and creeks of the world. Most expect to find it in the most cliche of forms, almost like the people you are designated to but sometimes it exists where you may not even recognise it and you simply stumble across them.

 

HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY 

I’d rather be a snowflake millennial than an ice queen

A millennial is anyone born roughly around 1982 and the early 2000s. And not to mention someone who is narcissistic, sensitive, entitled and lazy – apparently. But despite criticism of millennials, we’ve got a pretty good thing going. Here’s how:

MILLENNIALS GREW UP IN AN ENVIRONMENT WHERE EVERY CHILD WINS A PRIZE

This comes from that famous guy you saw on Facebook preaching about how difficult a millennial is to work with. Maybe everyone won a prize at sports day even though one kid smashed the ten meter sprint. But it taught us not to be a dick, to be humble and kind. If you want a shiny medal and independent glory every time you do something well, you might grow up to have a big head… just like these people judging millennials, hey? In essence we should definitely be appreciated more when we do something of actual worth but I highly doubt a shiny plastic medal for coming fifth in the egg and spoon race is going to shape the entirety of our lives.

MILLENNIALS ARE LAZY AND DON’T WORK    

Nope, just very few companies are willing to employ us. There’s being lazy then there’s physical impossibilities. There are employers looking for people with several qualifications, years worth of experience that’s older than us but of course want someone young and creative to make them look modernised.

…BUT THE JOBS MILLENNIALS DO HAVE ARE STUPID  

We’ve learnt to monetise on our passions that seemed like hobbies – you can laugh at YouTubers but they wouldn’t hear you because their houses are bloody huge.

MILLENNIALS CRY ALL THE TIME

Call us sensitive but you’re just bastards. Millennials are compared to delicate flowers who can’t take a joke. Which generation came up with memes, lads? Whilst you were out there watching the same three television programmes for your laughs, we MAKE the laughs, it’s called innovation, bitches. Anyway, just because millennials value feelings, stand up for what’s right and want to make a change, doesn’t make us sensitive, it makes us strong. Not wanting to make people feel like shit is the new cool, the evidence of this is on all of our best-friends’ Instagram comments.

MILLENNIALS GET EVERYTHING HANDED TO THEM

Oh tell me again Colin how you got that job without any qualifications that I’ve been working my arse off for several years? And you’re not letting us in on that housing market without a deposit that our wage slip would laugh at either. Everyone gets things handed to them, we all need help and that’s okay. And maybe you didn’t get anything handed to you but life is unfair and being bitter doesn’t help anyone.

MILLENNIALS ARE ADDICTED TO THEIR PHONES

*writes Susan, aged 45, on Facebook* I am certain the 30-40 year old age demographic has now taken over Facebook, they’re the ones at events snapping away at every little detail, making you wait to blow out your candles, just so they can update the school playground crew that they’re having a fabulous afternoon. It’s not a crime to be a bit addicted to our phones because most people are, everything in moderation but let’s not be singling out an entire generation.

MILLENNIALS DON’T CARE ABOUT ANYTHING!

We actually care about everything, maybe a bit too much – check out anxiety levels among young people. We are the first generation to drive forward talking about mental health and the affect of this should allow our children to be open and honest about their struggles. Maybe we look like we don’t care but we just get things done a little faster. People are just angry because we are innovating. We can come up with new ways to complete tasks faster then tweet about our meal deal  after – even quicker than a non-millennial can work out how to make a YouTube video go full screen.

MILLENNIALS HAVE TAKEN POLITICAL CORRECTNESS TOO FAR

At times there has been a few ridiculous stories where people would cause a fuss over the feelings of a cushion but on the whole millennials are interested in politics and standing up for what’s right. The stance that the real world is a certain way, makes no room for change and we appear to be the most accepting generation ever, so go us.

As the influential and iconic Elsa from Frozen says, the cold never bothered me anyway and I am perfectly happy being a little snowflake. And I guess as us millennials are so sensitive and too lazy to argue anyway, let’s all be friends?

What single people should do on Valentine’s Day

So it’s February 14th and the sight of instagram makes the taste of lemons feel less bitter.

Valentine’s Day isn’t supposed to be for single people, so they say. But they also tell you not to take in your own food into the cinema and I have quite literally poured milk into my cereal at a cinema, rules are made to be broken my friends and I got quite the thrill.

So, a big fuck off to anyone who says a single person can’t have a Valentine’s Day because I’m going to tell you just how it’s done.

EAT ALL THE FOOD

Yeah sure your best mate will be dining with their fit girlfriend/boyfriend but we all know they’re super paranoid about their food babies because red lingerie wasn’t quite made to wrap around digested steak. But for us? Who cares, just me, myself and I seeing this body, sprinkle the shit out of that parmesan on my plate, waiter.

POST PICTURES OF YOURSELF

It’s so much easier to coordinate a selfie with just you, you know your angles, there will be no fights when someone is looking considerably worse because it’s just you. Use your favourite filter, plaster it everywhere, print it out, get a canvas because you will be with you forever, so cherish your pretty face.

AVOID CHECKING UP ON EX’S SOCIAL MEDIA

So many people search through the social media of an ex and it’s pretty much like cyber-bullying yourself. What good can actually come out of it? It only makes you sad and even sadder when they’re with someone new, so just avoid it all together. When my Dad’s football team lose, he doesn’t watch the highlights on Match of The Day, it does the man no good. So apply the same logic, don’t look and begin the other half of the M&S dine for two meal.

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DO SOMETHING FUN

Whether getting considerably drunk or playing FIFA all night is your thing then go for it. There’s usually some pretty cool anti-Valentine’s events and everyone has got at least one single mate. Crying isn’t an enjoyable activity – unless you’re a hipster, maybe- and you don’t actually need someone to love you to have fun. Sure, it’s fabulous to feel loved and wanted but the truth of the matter is, no one does right now, SO SUCK IT UP. Find fun elsewhere because people like fun people not crying people – unless again the hipster thing.

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But if you are going to go out, avoid highly couple friendly places

Valentine’s Day really is just a day to single people, so don’t be making your way to all the lovely restaurants, art galleries, theaters, cinemas, performances – I guess options are very limited. Otherwise you end up very aware that you aren’t with anyone, it shouldn’t make you sad but it does make you feel awkward.

Don’t tweet or write Facebook status’ about how you’re forever alone

And don’t post a somewhat creepy picture of an attractive couple saying ‘this please’ post a picture of your pet for comical value but none of that other stuff.  It makes you look like a bit of a weirdo, even if that’s how you feel, you tell that to your taxi driver as you wipe the cheesy chips off the side of your mouth at 4am, not your 500+ Facebook friends.

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BUY YOURSELF A PRESENT

Wow there really is nothing you could love more than a reason to justify a present to yourself. You’re just spending the money on yourself that you would have on someone else. Nothing more sentimental than a gift to yourself where you can think “ahhh no one loves me but I think I am wonderful, thanks me”.

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TAKE ADVANTAGE OF VALENTINES DAY DEALS

Chocolate and teddy bears are so cheap. The M&S dine for two is to die for, for £20 you get a starter, main, side, dessert, chocolates and wine or prosecco. ‘for two’ is a subjective phrase, don’t worry, the you now and the you later, equals two. You get an even better deal when you don’t even have to share, who’s the real winner here?

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So there you have it, a single person can have a Valentine’s day.

…and you can also claim a free six-inch sandwich at Subway when you buy a large drink, so we are all winners today.

The skinny-thick girl body and how to get it

Girls everywhere are endlessly scrolling through Instagram, liking their mates’ night-out pictures, wondering if that girl is ‘just his sister’ and asking themselves how the bloody hell do some of these bodies exist and how can they get one?

If you hadn’t noticed the skinny-thick girl is what it’s all about.

The skinny-thick girl is currently what Kylie Jenner has got going on along with all the other high-knickered Instagram girls.

A post shared by Kylie (@kyliejenner) on

It’s the body where Calvin Klein underwear will make the peach emoji look like it’s stored down your pants and your chest appears perfectly -and suspiciously- perked and voluptuous, teamed up with a stomach that makes an ironing board look like it’s had one too many Kipling slices.

The latest trend that makes those ‘unrealistic expectations of the female body’ tweets seem a little bit more realistic than the skinny-thick girl.

It may be easier just to kidnap a skinny-thick girl in order to get that kind of a body *this blog does not condone kidnapping, ever*.

The preliminary steps you can take of course include learning how to Photoshop and contour the shit out of your entire body. But anyway, here’s how you do it my friends, how to get that body for yourself, in just four easy steps:

Step one: get yourself one big massive arse

Eat all the cakes, sweets, carbs and whatever will provide you with a mountain of calories. I personally recommend the potato, pasta, pizza sandwich with melted cheese on top – maximum results, pleasure and judgement. And then you squat a couple of hundred times per day because we are aiming for the peach emoji not a flan. Every morning and every night you eat a Krispy Kreme and you squat. You put pictures of JLO and Kim K for #buttspiration up on your wall and watch all your rear-end dreams come to life.

Step two: now you’re blessed with the big bum you ought to get the boobs to match

It’s like Ant to the Dec towards achieving the skinny-thick girl body, you need both to be merely relevant. Hopefully along the way of getting that big bum you have made a start with the boobs. Now your paper round or your waitress job definitely isn’t going to fund surgery *cough like most of the Instagram celebs sporting this body*, so we have to get this the natural way. Firstly, you’ll be doubling your quantity of potato, pasta, pizza and cheese sandwiches. And finally just get yourself pregnant, that’s the perfect way to turn your pancakes into melons. And if you don’t fancy that – I am really considering your dedication to this regime- then just google ‘fat foods to put into sandwiches’.

Step three: now here is the real trick, you must defy biology, maybe gravity even

You need to have the flattest stomach known to humankind. Yeah sure it was easy to get big boobs and a big bum after a KFC and share-but-not-shared-at-all box of nuggets. But now you have to get a stomach so slender that not even a single drip of sweat can cling on. For this you must eat Special K and drink Detox tea and you can guess what happens.💩

Step four: be a lucky little leprechaun

Every night look out of your window for shooting stars. Buy lots of lamps and give them a rub in the hope to see a genie. Park your car at the seaside and let birds shit all over it. Move to Ireland and wear horse-shoe jewellery. Pull out all your eyelashes and make the wish to be that skinny-thick girl because that’s the only way it’ll really all come together without surgery, because it’s a load of bollocks.

Fat, skinny, slim, athletic, chubby, curvy – whatever the fuck you are, who cares as long as you’re healthy and happy and not an Instagram myth.

Stop making excuses on Valentine’s Day

Valentine’s Day got its name from St Valentine, a man who was jailed and sentenced to death for arranging marriages in secret when they had been banned by Emperor Claudius.

St Valentine then fell in love with the jailer’s daughter and on the day of his death sentence, February 14th, he sent her a love letter signed “from your Valentine” – much sweeter than a super-like on Tinder or an eyelash flutter at a bar.

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If you’re bitter about a day literally all about love, you need to have a think. Or if it’s your other half, then be sure to banish all the classic Valentine’s Day excuses like the ones listed below.

“I love them everyday.” But do you show it? This excuse is only valid if this person is so romantic that they’re Love Lock Bridge, guitar-serenading and kissing in the rain all rolled into one. But February 14th is just one day -and night- to be a little bit romantic and show someone that you care. Of course you should love everyday but Valentine’s Day is a reminder to say “I choose you” like a loved-up Ash to Pikachu.

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“It’s so busy!” It doesn’t really matter if you dine at Sketch in London or you stay in and demolish a slightly dodgy yet tasty take-away. It’s about doing something together, there’s no compulsory price tag or activity, do what fits you best as a couple. As Kevin Hart, voice of the people, said “Do you boo boo.”

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“CAPITALISM!!!”
Oh Karl Marx, shut your mouth and eat an overpriced heart shaped chocolate. Conforming may not be cool or edgy and giving into company pressures may not be at the forefront of your economic and philosophical mind. However, I think in the name of passion, a teddy and a cheesy card, you can let this go for 24 hours.

“Why give someone flowers when they’re just going to die?” You don’t necessarily have to buy someone flowers on Valentine’s Day but if you don’t, don’t let that be your reasoning. This is the very worst excuse, because guess what? Everything dies, including you. Pretty coloured flowers are just cute and that’s all that needs to be said about the matter, there is no life span that can abolish the vision of beauty.

St Valentine had unbelievable charm the day he was forced to die, so what’s your excuse?

 

 

 

Originally written for The Quintin Hogg 

What would happen if celebrities became president

Celebrities like to expand their celebrity-ness. If they’re already famous then they want their own clothing line and a scent in a tacky bottle just for emphasis, so they may as well be presidents too, right?

Miley Cyrus

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There’s no fear of this one making awful remarks about ‘grabbing someone by the pussy’ because she is quite the advocate for taking control of her own body and doing this to herself. And if she doesn’t get her way in the senate there’s nothing a foam finger and a twerk won’t solve. Forget freeing the likes of Chelsea Manning this woman will be freeing nipples for all and installing a wrecking ball into the White House.

Hugh Hefner

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The White House would get very crowded and he’d be the only man to have first ladies. The number of Playboy Bunnies at his inauguration would be quite the sight. And it would be a great for someone to finally stand up for what’s truly important and that’s wearing pyjamas for most of your life.

Snoop Dogg

yes yeah super snoop dogg agree

A Snoop presidency would be incredibly chilled, thanks to his one and only policy of legalising marijuana in every state in America. I pledge of allegiance to the flagizzle of the Unizzle States of America, and to the Republic for which it stands, one Nationizzle under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.

Tom Hanks

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How wonderful would America be? He’d be fantastic at interacting with the public, big smiles, silly songs and just a genuine guy leading the country. He could do his speeches as Woody or Forrest Gump and make the nation fall a little bit in love, giving the doubters hope like a phone call in Sleepless in Seattle. But I’d be a little concerned about which countries he creates alliances with, considering his not so favourable travelling history.

Kim Kardashian

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Her presidency would not run without the entire K clan by her side and Kanye’s clothing line would be up on the White House website, so every single state can be dressed in holey clothes because #fashion. And of course Kim would insist on her portrait being full length to showcase her sizeable bottom. There would also be ample opportunity for memorabilia. War? World is ending? Political crisis? A selfie at each moment will be available to represent these historical moments.

Morgan Freeman

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Let’s be honest, no one would give a shit what he says or what his policies are because every word that comes out of this man’s mouth sounds like a dream, full of inspiration and hope. He could tell the whole world “I’m going to push that nuclear button” and everything would sound like a good idea.

DJ Khaled

loyal

There would be Ciroc on the table and it would never run out – another one – this would make American politics incredibly interesting as he banishes ‘they’ and continues to spread his keys to success. Top secret information would be all over Snapchat and he would be filling the nation with confidence because “you smart.”

Beyoncé

beyonce you ready

Ladies, let’s get in formation. Beyoncé wouldn’t take any shit and her whole time at the White House would be an incredible show with a dance routine to fight all political battles. She could even sing the national anthem as a one woman show, now that’s cool. In summary, she would be a boss ass bitch and a great album could come from this.

Nev Schulman

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Bitches will not be able to snake during his presidency, no fakery will be around, this guy will have shit on the CIA. He would do the greater good for love and make sure no one got catfished. And of course with Max by his side creating the next Biden and Obama duo.

Donald Trump 

Election 2016 trump donald trump whatever idkThis businessman would openly express it’s alright to think your daughter is hot, excuse the rights of women and the LGBT+ community, act in a completely racist manner, talk weird shit about walls and act like being a president is like a series of The Apprentice and live tweet the whole thing. 

OH wait.

 

 

Meryl Streep: some people are missing the point

Meryl Streep took the opportunity to make a passionate speech at the Golden Globes, whilst collecting her Cecil B. DeMille Award.

Currently her speech is being shared everywhere. And rightly so.

However, there are many articles naming her to be ‘lashing out‘, ‘slamming‘, ‘attacking Donald Trump‘ and Piers Morgan even said she was ‘pouring oil to the fire‘- I think these reports are missing the point.

People often pounce on the opportunity that people are doing wrong and causing a political stir whilst completely dismissing many beautiful points she made aside from mentioning Donald Trump’s cruel imitation of a disabled reporter.

I’ve analysed her speech to make sure everyone notices five key parts.

  1. What is Hollywood anyway? It’s just a bunch of people from other places.
“I was born and raised and created in the public schools of New Jersey.”
“Viola [Davis] was born in a sharecropper’s cabin in South Carolina.
“Sarah Paulson was raised by a single mom in Brooklyn.
“Sarah Jessica Parker was one of seven or eight kids from Ohio.
“Amy Adams was born in Italy.
“Natalie Portman was born in Jerusalem.”
“And the beautiful Ruth Negga was born in Ethiopia.
“Gosling, like all the nicest people, is Canadian.
“And Dev Patel was born in Kenya, raised in London, is here for playing an Indian raised in Tasmania.”

Meryl Streep identified and recognised that nowhere is filled with the same people, the same race, upbringing, nationality or anything. Arguably the most prestigious and successful place in the world, Hollywood, is “crawling with outsiders and foreigners” and it’s actually bloody fantastic – this shouldn’t be forgotten. The world would be somewhat boring if everyone was exactly the same. And our Hollywood films would be dull and uniformed. It’s diversity that adds intrigue and it’s ignorance that creates hate and dismisses art.

2. “And this instinct to humiliate, when it’s modelled by someone in the public platform, by someone powerful, it filters down into everybody’s life, because it kind of gives permission for other people to do the same thing.”

Streep highlights the importance to remember that just because someone has power and enough media attention, their actions are not justifiable nor should they be copied. It is a moment of clarity to recognise the danger of negative people in the limelight and the significance to keep morals close to our hearts not a false sense of permission to behave immorally too. Be kind.

3. Disrespect invites disrespect. Violence incites violence. When the powerful use their position to bully others, we all lose.

This could be taken that we are losing because the powerful appear to be bullying – specifically referring to Trump– but this should be looked at from a different perspective. We too can be disrespectful and violent which will only initiate the same reaction. Not to be cheesy – in fact I would rather cheese than violence – Streep accentuates that love and kindness must conquer, which is a wonderful plan in my eyes.

4. Join me in supporting the committee to protect journalists. Because we’re going to need them going forward. And they’ll need us to safeguard the truth.

Journalists can often be viewed as people that’ll do anything for a story, which is the case for same, but they are also the ones you get your news from, the people who can tell you what’s going on. Ultimately journalists do safeguard the truth and in awful situations can expose the wrong. We do need these people.

And the fifth most beautiful part of all to Meryl Streep’s speech:

“As my friend, the dear departed Princess Leia, said to me once, take your broken heart, make it into art. Thank you.”

Adele has known this secret for years, in times of sadness and sorrow, do something great.

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Things to remember about your New Year’s Resolution

January is shit. Most of us have been a little chubby for the whole of last year and drank so much that we question if it’s binge-drinking or pending alcoholism. And suddenly at this time of the month we’re supposed to be very aware.

There’s a few things to bare in mind when you’re setting yourself a new year’s resolution and if you haven’t got one, you’re already fabulous so it’s all about maintenance.

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One bowl of muesli and a smile to a bitch you hate doesn’t reform you into a whole new human. Make your resolutions worthwhile, something you’ll be determined to drive forward, not one week of temporary good deeds.

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Don’t make your new year’s resolution everyone else’s too. There’s nothing more bloody annoying than people who take you on their diet too. Sorry mate but you paid your Slimming World subscription for ONE person, let me eat this block of cheese in peace and you continue with your own plans.

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But don’t let anyone make you feel bad about having a resolution. HAHA wow you’re so pathetic for wanting to be a better person!! There’s really nothing wrong with wanting to be less of a dick, so if you’re a dick, roll on those new year’s resolutions and be proud of the changes you’re making. If you have goals then go for it, hopefully your resolution will involve mentally (not physically) blocking out those people who tell you that your resolution is silly, no they are silly.

kim davis bye felecia

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